I'm not gay
by SnowyPrecipice
Summary: After receiving a suggestion that Zoro and him are more than what they appear, Sanji goes around trying to convince his nakama of this "fact". Humour/ nonsense/ romance at the end. Reviews loved!  Zosan or zoro/sanji


It all starts when the Straw Hat crew docks at a town where it is soon apparent that the only thing they need to worry about is staying too short a time to buy the wide array of goods displayed on all the streets.

They split up into groups, with Chopper remaining on the ship. The two girls go off on their own, presumably to expand their already impressive wardrobe. Luffy, Usopp and Brook run off in three separate directions (the restaurant, knick-knack shop and linen store), only to be dragged back by Franky, who, in quite a fatherly manner, tells them they have to take turns. Besides, gathering supplies precedes the rest in importance.

That leaves Zoro and Sanji, who are somehow stuck with each other as usual. Sanji grunts in acknowledgement and asks, no, orders Zoro to be his pack mule for the day, while they buy the groceries. Zoro, knowing that agreeing means getting three full meals a day, goes along.

In the midst of their shopping, Sanji spots a stall selling the most exotic fruits he has ever seen, and makes a beeline for it. The woman sees his interest and gives a toothy smile, eyes roving between the two boys.

"These are hybrid fruits made possible by the island nearby which specializes in creating hybrids." She says matter-of-factly, extending out an oddly shaped banana which was a bright purple. She allows Sanji to take a taste, and his expression brightens. He carefully selects a few and hands them to Zoro. The swordsman proceeds to dump them into the basket, which earns him a glare, and he puts them in one by one. All the while being watched by the woman.

She hands him some hairy green fruits next, with a soft orange flesh. "Reminds me of you, marimo." Sanji sniggers, and the swordsman grunts, not wanting to spoil the cook's good mood. The woman smiles, as if beginning to understand something.

Franky and his group trudge by at that moment, Luffy excitedly peering over Sanji's shoulder and marveling at the weird fruits.

"And this, my dear, is a Love fruit." The woman hands Sanji a vaguely heart-shaped fruit a vivid red in colour. "To prepare for someone _special_." At this, she looks pointedly at Zoro. Sanji's heart stops, and his jaw goes slack in a gape.

Brook makes a funny noise and Franky chokes on a purple banana. There is an awkward silence, which is hastily broken by Usopp saying they have somewhere to be. Sanji finally regains his senses enough to want to thump the four on the head but they are well out of sight by then. He sneaks a look at Zoro, but the man is unfazed, as though he has not noticed what happened.

When they get back to the ship a few hours later, they are the last ones there, and everyone is busy preparing to set sail before the log resets. Sanji has a suspicion that his nakama has been discussing what happened earlier, especially since they did not hear Sanji's denial, but the thought is pushed out of his mind as he helps to pack up.

((((()))))

The next few days, Sanji notices Usopp and Franky observing him. He ignores them and pointedly gives Zoro slightly burnt pancakes during breakfast one day, and rather runny eggs another, but Zoro devours them anyway. His irritation begins to rise, but the girls are there so he does not bring up the topic.

He cannot lie that he isn't affected, for the woman's words and looks are plaguing his mind and even his sleep, and he is getting more and more confused by why he is so distressed by it. And the worst part is, Zoro does not seem the least bit affected, going on with his usual routine and only looking up to smirk at the cook from time to time. On the third day after they left the town, he decides to make his stand on the issue clear to the witnesses.

He walks onto the deck after washing up and sees one of his crew at work.

"I'm not gay." Sanji says to a busy Usopp, who is currently filling his pellets with something deadly. Usopp looks up and fixes him with a long, knowing but painfully uncomfortable stare. "Uh huh. Neither is Zoro."

The blonde gives an exasperated sigh and kicks the bowl of tabasco sauce right at the sniper's eyes. The howls give him some satisfaction as he stalks off, lighting a cigarette to soothe his aching head.

Minutes later, fairly calmed down, Sanji sees Franky working on a contraption below deck. Franky looks up as he enters.

"I'm not gay." Sanji offers. The cyborg averts his eyes. "I'm not the best person to give _that_ kind of advice man." He says unsurely.

"Shut up, you shitty hunk of metal. I'm _stating_ it." Sanji snaps, biting down on his cigarette.

Franky shrugs. "It's not an area I'm familiar with. I'm a full-fledged hentai." He declares.

"So am I!" Sanji retorts.

"Nuh uh, you're not dressed for the part." And he wiggles his speedo-clad butt for emphasis. "You're dressed for your part, though." He says pointedly at the impeccable suit, moving whatever he is working on between them, as if afraid the condition was contagious.

Sanji represses the urge to smash the unfinished project into the floor with a kick and instead snarls, storming off.

The ship's musician is composing a new score on deck and spots the cook with a very black face. He clucks his tongue sympathetically (if he had a tongue to cluck). "Lovers' quarrel?"

Sanji glares, murder in his eyes (if Brook wasn't already dead). "I'm not gay." He hisses.

"Many sailors become it; it's nothing to be ashamed of. Yohohohoho!" He sings out cheerfully. "I've seen much the past decades." He says reassuringly.

Sanji's visible eye narrows even further and he lets out a guttural sound, eyeing the skeleton's afro with a vengeance. Brook, sensing his beloved hair is in imminent danger, flees to the other end of the Sunny, crooning a love song at the top of his voice. The cook decides pursuing him will only lead to a massive headache and leaves it at that. He massages his temples, wondering what he can do to clear up the misunderstanding.

The two loves of his life appear on deck, unfolding chairs and clad in – gasp – swimsuits. Sanji glides over while they prepare to browse a clothing catalogue together. "Nami-swaaan~ Robin-chwaaaan~!"

The girls look up at him through their sunglasses. "Cook-san, are you all right?" Robin asks. Nami squints at him. "You look awfully on edge, Sanji-kun." Sanji feels an involuntary twitch in his eye and hopes they did not notice.

"I am fine, ladies." He pauses. "Or are you worried about me?" He gushes.

They exchange looks. "You must be going through confusing times." Nami says, looking sorry for him. Even Robin's normally passive face is concerned.

Are they suggesting what he thinks they're suggesting?

Sanji keeps his face devoid of annoyance. "I'm not gay." He tries valiantly to laugh it off.

"No, of course not." Nami nods wholeheartedly, and Sanji could have kissed her (and he wants to), but – "Whatever you say." She hands him a bottle of olive oil. "Robin nee-san's idea." She winks. Normally that would make the man swoon, weak-kneed, but at receiving such an item from the two _girls_ nonetheless, he lets out a manly shriek and disappears around the corner, hands pulling at his hair.

"What's wrong?" Chopper sticks his head out of the infirmary. "Are you in pain somewhere?" He takes in Sanji's disheveled hair, dark eye circle and the desperate look in his eye. "Ah." He utters, seeming to comprehend the situation.

"Even you? I'm not gay!" He screams, running along the corridor and out of sight into the bunk room.

"Gay?" Chopper's eyes widen comically as he watches the vanishing figure. "I just thought he had insomnia! After hearing him mutter to himself every night."

With that, the once innocent reindeer returns to his infirmary and hops into his chair. "Is there a cure for that?" Okay, maybe still innocent.

Sanji finally steadies his heart, ears ringing from shock (or his own yelling, he can't tell). Does every single one of them believe that nonsense? He almost cries, recalling the understanding expressions on the faces of his two beautiful flowers.

He thinks back to the past months, wondering if anything could have led them to believe such an accusation. The marimo and him fight all the time, spit degrading insults and frequently declare their dislike for each other. Not to mention the rather clever nicknames.

Wait, nicknames. _Nicknames_. Sanji slaps his own forehead. That could have been suspicious. He bites his lip. And the fact that he often chooses to forgo flirting with beautiful women and argues with Zoro instead, even if the swordsman only utters a single word.

Why _is_ he so caught up with Zoro anyway? Was he… _NO._ Sanji firmly forces that idea out of his head. He has long ago established that the green-haired man is unattractive. He thinks back to the times they worked together while fighting, and realizes that Zoro is someone he often counts on during battles. It could have developed into something more... So was he attracted to the other man?

Sanji groans. He is going to kill that woman for bringing up such a possibility. Hell no, she's a woman. So he will have to settle for killing Zoro sooner or later.

Their captain pops his head around the corner, startling him. "Sanji! Food."

"Not now." Sanji growls in reply. Luffy studies his nakama's face, uncharacteristically quiet. Sanji notices and his head grows hot with indignance. "I'm not gay."

Luffy suddenly bursts out laughing. "You said 'gay'!"

Sanji gapes at the childishness. "What?"

"You said 'gay'!" He repeated, guffawing. "You're funny. Worrying about something like that." Grinning inhumanly wide, he bounces off to disturb someone else, most probably Usopp, forgetting about the food (or leaving Sanji to his thoughts, no one ever knows with Luffy). Sanji stares after him.

The cook then retreats into his only safe haven – the kitchen – and sinks down into a chair, thoroughly exhausted. "I'm not gay." He mutters to himself vehemently, though it's starting to sound like self-denial.

"Yeah, cook?" A low voice jolts him from his thoughts and he whips his head to his left. Zoro is sitting at the table, a mug of water in his hand and body shining with a sheen of sweat. Sanji's mind blanks out for a few seconds.

"You're not gay?" Zoro stands up and makes his way over, Sanji still in a daze.

"I'm not." Sanji murmurs weakly, *not* staring at the muscled torso in front of him, the smirk, and the tanned body basking in sunlight streaming in from the port hole.

"Whatever, curly-brow." Zoro growls, leaning in, and Sanji cannot think clearly. A strong hand tugs his tie and lips press roughly against his.

Sanji sighs into the kiss and responds earnestly despite himself. A few minutes of silence and clumsy kissing later, they finally pull away from each other.

"I'm not gay." Sanji whispers, and his swordsman grins. "Neither am I."

And they kiss again, hungrily, Sanji thinking in the back of his mind that maybe Nami's gift would come in useful after all.

* * *

_Yep, so there it is. (: I like to think that Sanji is easily affected and thinks a lot about stuff whereas Zoro is more straightforward and doesn't like to deny the obvious. The fic's quite nonsensical but it was fun to write. I love the Strawhat crew. 333 Comments/ concrit are _always_ appreciated! :D_


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